


The Prank to End All Pranks

by ladyroxanne21



Series: Growing Up Potter [19]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: But not for very much longer, Harry and Draco have an excruciating talk with their kids, M/M, McGonagall 'still' can't figure out who's behind all these pranks, Teddy is utterly oblivious, The kids are in Sixth Year
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-18
Updated: 2017-11-18
Packaged: 2019-02-03 23:21:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12758289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladyroxanne21/pseuds/ladyroxanne21
Summary: Now that the kids are getting older, Harry has to have *the talk* with them. After that, Daisy damn near murders Teddy while the rest of the the kids watch from the Prefects' bathtub. And then all hell breaks loose in the great hall :-D





	The Prank to End All Pranks

**Author's Note:**

> HOORAY I finally figured out where I wanted to go next :-D

 

“Where's Teddy?” Harry asked curiously. As had become their habit, all the Potter (and various other) kids were attending a weekly family dinner in Harry and Draco's quarters. Every Wednesday since about midway through the year that Harry and Draco had started teaching, they had all their kids join them for dinner just to have a chance to talk to them and be together as a family. Very often, one or more of their mothers would floo in for dinner too, although none of them had this evening.

“Snogging Victoire,” James stated matter of factly.

“ _He's what?”_ Daisy blurted out in alarm and dismay.

“Oh boy,” Harry muttered, casting a look over at Draco – who smirked in a way that said: _well, he *is* a Seventh Year, after all._ “And how long has this been going on?” He asked, wondering if Ron knew that Teddy was interested in his niece.

“About a week,” James replied with a shrug. “They've made the Common Room positively _disgusting_ to study in.”

“They're not the only ones,” Sai muttered, glancing significantly at Pearl, who pointedly ignored him.

Harry sighed with extreme reluctance and rubbed his temples. “Listen, there's one thing that I've always felt was sorely lacking in this school, and that's...” He had to pause and take a deep breath and brace himself to actually say it out loud to his kids – on purpose as opposed to the _many_ jokes they'd heard about it over the years. “Sex. Er, sexual education class.”

“ _DAD_!!!” His kids all groaned unhappily. “ _Please don't_!”

Harry gave them all a stern _look_. “This is important. The twelve of you are technically of age to consent, and you younger ones aren't too far off. You _all_ need to know how to protect yourself from unwanted pregnancies and nasty infections.”

Draco wasn't any more comfortable than Harry about the subject, but he decided to back his husband up fully. “And knowing the finer points of consent and what you are and are not ready for wouldn't go amiss either,” he added as he sipped from his cup of tea.

The kids all sighed in profound defeat, knowing that their dad/s wouldn't let the matter drop until every last person in the room was utterly red from embarrassment. Pearl – often their elected spokesperson – tried to dissuade them anyway.

“I'm fair certain that we can figure out what we need to know on our own,” she pointed out.

“I'm sure you can,” Draco replied, giving her a serious look. “And some of you may have already, but this is still important, and your dad is right, there _should_ be a class on it. We'll keep it as simple as possible. The hands down _most_ important thing to know is consent. You can say yes or you can say no to _anything_. Which means that if you want to say yes to kissing, but not to being touched, do not feel ashamed or embarrassed to tell the person you are kissing that you are not comfortable being touched.”

Harry examined the ceiling for a moment. “And if you are comfortable being touched but aren't ready for full penetrative intercourse, _don't_ let anyone pressure you into doing it anyway. It's your body and only you can decided what you want to do with it.”

“Wait, does that include tattoos?” Hugo asked slyly.

Harry snorted in amusement. “Well, yes, but not until you're older. You have to be of legal age for that.”

Hugo rolled his eyes. “How stupid! I can bugger everyone in my year that I'm not related to, but I can't put a little permanent art on my arm!”

“That's life kiddo!” Harry informed him with genuine appreciation for Hugo's point. Feeling just a tiny bit more relaxed, he continued with the lesson. “The second most important thing to know is the spell to check for any infections or diseases that are transmittable. If you are too embarrassed to ask your potential partner about their sexual history and to consent to the detection spell, then you are not ready to have sex. You _need_ to be at least that responsible and protect yourself.”

Pearl looked away from him and rubbed a minor itch next to her nose as she asked: “And what if we didn't know about such spells and or forget to use them?”

Harry sighed, alarmed to realize that this was probably as close to an admission that something had already happened as he was going to get, and not _really_ wanting to know more about it anyway. “Well, then once you do learn the spell, cast it on yourself, and if it shows anything, go see Madam Pomfrey.”

Draco gave her a small but sympathetic smile – not surprised that she took after her mother in this area, and he didn't intend that as any sort of judgment. “Fortunately, I would bet a hefty amount of the gold in my vault that the majority of the students here have never been with anyone other than each other, and so the likelihood that any of them had anything to spread is fairly low.”

“Don't be so certain,” Harry warned with a frown. “It's probably extremely rare, but children can and do get these sort of infections if they're born to mothers that have them. Thus, even a virgin could potentially pass something on.”

Draco frowned in confusion. “Why wouldn't a mother with something have it treated before the baby is born?”

Harry shrugged. “If it's the Human Immunodeficiency Virus, that can't really be treated effectively without magic, so a muggleborn or even a child born to a witch who doesn't have access to regular medical care could have that and there's nothing anyone can do about it.”

“Is that likely?” Draco asked, feeling rather alarmed himself now.

“Er... I don't think so,” Harry replied with a shrug. “I'm pretty sure that Madam Pomfrey would detect that in her yearly medical exams, so _hopefully_ , if a student had it, they'd be responsible enough to let their partner know before doing anything.” He turned to look at his kids again. “Which leads me to protection. We are lucky in the Wizarding World in that we have spells and potions that can protect us from even the nastiest disease – _if_ we know to use them. So, even if you fell in love with and wanted to marry a person with HIV, you could be safe from it.”

“And I _know_ – because I teach all of you Potions – that you should be aware at the very least that there are contraceptive potions you can take to prevent unwanted pregnancies,” Draco added. “They are easy to brew, but more importantly, they are freely available from Madam Pomfrey if you can't or don't have time to brew them yourselves.”

This time, Pearl looked at her hands in her lap. “Aaaaand... _theoretically_ if we forgot to use one of those...”

“ _Are you pregnant_?!?!” Harry blurted out in shock.

“No?” Pearl answered uncertainly. “I mean probably not. I had just gotten over my monthly when, er, anyway, according to the information I read about cycles, it shouldn't have been a problem. It's just with you talking about potions and stuff, I'm suddenly realizing that I sort of rushed into it without giving a lot of thought to consequences.”

“Oh love...” Harry murmured in mild disappointment, but more importantly, he wanted to help her get through this. “If any one of you has an accidental pregnancy, it's not the end of the world. It's just harder to have a decent future while raising a baby. Honestly, if I didn't have the money my parents and godfather left me, I'd _never_ have been able to afford to take care of you all. I'd've had to get a job and work so much that none of you would've seen me for more than a few minutes each day.”

Draco smacked him upside the back of the head. “And I'd've refused to support you and them with _my_ money why?”

Harry rubbed his head and grumbled a bit petulantly. “I'm just saying that I could raise kids without worrying about my future because I had money. They're not going to have that.”

Draco tilted his head side to side. “True. If you were to die and your little fortune was split up evenly amongst them, they'd each _maybe_ have enough to buy a modest house. They'd still have to support themselves and their families.”

“Wait!” Scorpius protested with a frown. “I thought our family had a _lot_ of money!”

Draco gave him a mildly sneering look. “There are 15 Potters and Hunter, not to mention Teddy and Daisy, Luna's twins, and Pansy and Hermione's girls. That's a total of 22 kids that Harry would divide his money between – even though some of them aren't actually his. Let's just pretend, for a moment, that he had enough to leave you all exactly 50,000 galleons – which, as I said, would buy you a modest house and support you for a little while. That's what most people _would_ consider a lot.”

Scorpius nodded, understanding what his dad left unsaid. It was a lot when it was in one bank account caring for a lot of people in little amounts at a time, but not much at all when divided up among a lot of people. Then he frowned. “But what about the Malfoy fortune?”

Draco raised a brow at him. “You're hoping I'll die and leave you anything anytime soon?”

“No!”

Draco harrumphed. “Most of that fortune still belongs to my father, so you can't count on it to take care of you either. And when he dies and leaves it to me, I plan to live until I'm older than dirt, so you _still_ won't be entitled to a dime of it.”

Scorpius pulled on his hair in frustration. “I'm _not_ saying I think the money belongs to me! I'm just saying that it sounds like _you're_ saying that we'll all be penniless the moment we graduate Hogwarts!”

Draco shrugged. “In essence, you will be. We'll help pay for any further education you pursue, but if you want to be treated like an adult, you'll need to earn an income like one and support yourself.”

The kids all looked at each other in surprise and alarm. They had _never_ even considered this possibility before!

Harry took Pearl's hand in his and gave it a kiss. “Anyway, as I was saying, if it turns out that you _are_ pregnant, you'll probably have to drop out of Hogwarts at some point and go home. You can live there as long as you need – of course – but you would also need to put a lot of thought into how you'll raise a baby.”

Draco chuckled. “You're forgetting something important, Harry.”

Harry looked over at him curiously. “And what's that?”

Draco whipped out his wand and pointed it at Pearl. “Gravida Probatur!” Pearl promptly lit up as black. “Not pregnant.”

Harry and Pearl both exhaled in profound relief. Harry squeezed her hand. “You got lucky this time, but maybe now you – _all of you_ – can understand why I insisted that you listen to me. This really is important and it's far better you all learn it from me _before_ you need to know it.”

“Yeah...” Pearl muttered softly in agreement. Her siblings – both directly and indirectly since the non Potter kids were considered as good as siblings – all exchanged looks before reluctantly nodding in acceptance and grumbling: “Yeah...”

“Good,” Harry stated. Then took a deep breath. “So, the spell to detect infections is...”

 

***

 

“ _Teddy, you rotten bastard! You unmitigated arse! You complete tosser! You –”_

“Daisy!” Teddy exclaimed in utter shock. “What's wrong?!?!” He had just entered the Prefects' bathroom for their morning meeting and had _no idea_ why the girl he considered his best friend was so outraged at him.

She stormed up to him, grabbed the collar of his school robes, and shook the ever loving hell out of him. “You were bloody _snogging_ Victoire!”

“Yeah, I know,” Teddy stated, seriously confused as to why this was a problem.

“You bastard! Prick! Bloody –”

“Daisy!” Teddy roared, angry now. “What the _bloody hell_ is your problem?!”

His siblings – er well, technically none of them were actually related to him, but that was beside the point – anyway, they all sank down into the Prefects' enormous bathtub as if trying to hide. Some of them even covered their heads protectively, as if expecting an actual explosion. All of them winced.

“ _What do you *mean* what's my problem?!?!”_ Daisy roared in incredulous outrage, still shaking him violently. Unlike the rest, she'd been too busy pacing in agitation to get undressed and take a bath.

Teddy fumbled to grab hold of her arms and force her to stop shaking him. “I _mean,_ what in the buggering sphincter of Merlin is your bloody problem?!”

“ _How can you ask me that_?!” Daisy wailed. “I've _only_ been waiting patiently _for years_ for you to _finally_ realize how much I bloody fucking _love_ you – you _complete shit!_ You utter bastard! AND THEN I HAD TO FIND OUT AT LAST NIGHT'S FAMILY DINNER THAT YOU ARE _SNOGGING_ SODDING VICTOIRE BUGGERING WEASLEY!!!”

“Er...” Teddy was stunned and his head felt like it was spinning. “Wait... what? You... what?”

“OH COME ON!” The entire family roared in disbelief, flinging their hands out to emphasize their point. “It's only been _obvious_ since the day you first met!”

“We met as babies!” Teddy cried out in return.

“You met Victoire as a baby too,” Rose pointed out pragmatically. “Didn't seem to stop you from noticing her.”

Teddy shook his head and looked back at Daisy. “You can't love me! We're best friends!”

“Yeah, because that has stopped anyone in all of history,” Sai muttered sarcastically.

“But!” Teddy protested without actually having a point to protest. “But!”

Daisy pushed him away hard enough that he stumbled several feet and nearly fell over. Only blundering into the wall prevented him. He was staring at Daisy in utter confusion.

“ _Fine!_ I get it! You _don't_ love me! I hope you're happy with _Victoire_!” She sneered the name like it was the vilest creature on Earth. The sad thing was that she quite liked Victoire prior to now. That said, if the extremely pretty part veela girl crossed her path at that exact moment, Daisy would use the unforgivable killing curse on her and then quite gladly go to Azkaban for the rest of her life. She stomped very very emphatically as she marched out of the bathroom. If she had her way, she'd never leave her bed in her Slytherin dorm ever again.

“Daisy! Wait!” Teddy called out after her as she stormed away. To be honest, he was more than a little relieved that they weren't in front of the others anymore. Although, with an entire castle full of students that _could_ walk by at any moment, they weren't exactly in private either.

“Leave me the bloody hell alone, Edward Remus Lupin!” Daisy shouted at him, pulling out her wand and preparing to hex him if she had to as she rushed away.

Teddy flinched. If it hadn't been obvious by all her shouting prior to now that she was furious with him, that would have tipped him off. Only his grandmother ever called him by his full name, and she only ever did it when she was furious with him.

“I'm serious, Daisy, wait!”

“Why?!” Daisy demanded, stopping short to glare at him. “What could you possibly have to say to me?!”

Teddy sighed in frustration and rubbed the back of his neck. “I honestly had no idea how you felt about me.”

“So?”

“So I would have made sure to tell you myself that I'm seeing Victoire if I'd known. I agree that it was bloody rotten to find out from someone else. At dinner. In front of everyone.”

This wasn't that part she was actually most upset about, so she spun around and resumed her trek – that now resembled a light but powerful jog – back to her dorm.

“Wait!” Teddy cried out again, feeling inexplicably anguished by the sight of her running away. He sprinted after her. “Godric's great prick! Will you just wait?!”

“WHAT FOR?!”

“I didn't know!”

“YOU'VE SAID!”

“No! I mean I didn't realize... Look, I was just kissing Victoire because she's pretty and she was looking at me with those amazing part veela eyes! It didn't mean anything to me! I mean I liked it and was looking forward to doing it again, but –”

Daisy growled, threw her long blonde hair over her shoulder, and spun to walk away again.

“BUT I DIDN'T REALIZE HOW I FELT ABOUT YOU!”

This made Daisy stop in her tracks. “What...?”

“I honestly thought we were nothing more than best friends,” Teddy tried to explain, rubbing the back of his neck again and looking at the floor as he ground his right shoe into the polished stone. “I didn't understand until – right this second actually – that the reason I'm always happy when I'm with you is...”

Daisy turned around to look at him. “Is what?”

Teddy couldn't bring himself to look at her. “Is more... than friends...”

“You mean that?” Daisy asked, breathless with hope.

“Yeah,” Teddy confirmed in a near whisper.

Daisy forced herself to take a breath and remain calm. “Alright. In that case, you need to go explain to Victoire that there will be no more snogging of any kind.”

“Right,” Teddy stated in agreement. He stepped closer to her and took her hand in his. “You really... love me?”

Daisy sighed and shook her head. “How could you not have seen? I think I was rather blatantly obvious about it.”

Teddy shrugged and blushed. “I think I couldn't see the forest for the trees. You were always there and I never had to think about why.”

Daisy chuckled softly. “I was beginning to think that I'd have to wait forever for you to realize that we were meant to be together.”

Teddy brushed a stray hair out of her face with a small smile. He was amazed to find that the simple action – that he'd done without thinking many times in the past – seemed so much more tender and caring this time. Before he could even think it through, he leaned over and kissed her. She inhaled softly in surprise, and then purred as she melted into him.

“Looks like they worked it out,” Sai whispered to Indira as they and the rest of the family crowded in the doorway to the Prefects' bath – having finished and hoping to get to class before they were late. Also, not wanting to interrupt such an important moment. Pearl elbowed Sai in the side, rolling her eyes and shaking her head at his big mouth.

Teddy and Daisy broke apart, both blushing in embarrassment.

“Come on, let's get to class,” Rose suggested sensibly.

“Right,” Teddy agreed with a nod.

As they all walked, Hugo gave Pearl a funny look. “Say... you never did tell us who it was that nearly got you pregnant.”

“What?!” Teddy blurted out in surprise.

Pearl sighed in defeat. “It was a Slytherin boy, but that's all I'm going to tell you because I don't want you dunderheads to ambush and hex him.”

“We wouldn't!” Hugo hastily tried to reassure her, but since he was lying, she didn't believe him in the slightest.

“ _Riiiight..._ ”

 

***

 

McGonagall sighed and rubbed her temples. It was a staff meeting and she sincerely wished that she could just go to bed early and hopefully avoid the headache that was brewing. “Now that we've all agreed to Harry's idea, is there anything else we need to discuss?”

Flitwick stood up on the stool he was sitting on. “Just – I'm sure this is nothing important, but I've seen a large dog the last few nights – and previously at random times – while patrolling the halls. It runs off before I can get close enough to get a good look at it, but... I think one of the students has smuggled in an unauthorized pet.”

“Or is feeding a stray,” Hagrid added reasonably.

“What's this dog look like?” Harry asked with a frown.

“Oh... as far as I could see, it was bigger than me with shaggy black hair,” Flitwick answered.

“Hmm...” Harry murmured, stroking his chin in thought.

“Now that you mention it, I saw a raven flying through the corridors one night,” Trelawny informed them. “I thought I was having a vision, but it left behind a feather. A single raven indicates sorrow, as I'm sure you all know, and I was trying to console a student working through a family tragedy, so naturally I thought nothing of seeing it at the time.”

“Hmm...” Harry repeated, still deep in thought.

“Harry?” Draco asked curiously as he ran a hand down Harry's arm until they were holding hands.

“I think I figured it out,” Harry announced.

“Figured what out?” McGonagall wondered, her interest piqued.

“How we're _finally_ going to solve the mystery of who's been plaguing you – er, _us_ – with pranks all these years,” he elaborated with a confident grin.

“I'm all ears,” McGonagall replied, a smile tugging at her own lips.

 

***

“So, as you all should know by now, Fifth and Seventh Years are studying themselves to exhaustion for their OWLs and NEWTs,” Harry stated, expecting most of his students to roll their eyes because they'd have to be deaf, dumb, and dead to _not_ know that. “As my Sixth Year students, you're going to have regular final exams, but I've received permission to do something a bit more fun than usual.”

Albus groaned. “ _Dad_... Your idea of fun is usually so lame!”

Harry chuckled. “Good to know. But I really think you'll like this. Actually, I'm doing this with the Fourth Years too, so if it's lame, at least you'll have a lot of others to commiserate with.”

Albus couldn't help but be interested now. “Yeah?”

Harry smiled and nodded. “Yeah. So here's the plan, instead of written Finals this year, we're going to do something a bit more hands on.”

“What?” Remus asked, sitting up at full attention now. He, like the rest of the Hufflepuffs, was a fairly hard-working student, but since his professor happened to be his dad, he sort of tuned him out from time to time. He did the same in Neville's classes too, then thanked his lucky stars that he had a ton of siblings who all did their homework together as a group when they had time, and so he could learn anything he missed. He didn't dare slack off in Draco's classes though. That was just asking for trouble!

“A battle to the death, anyone who survives passes their Final,” Harry stated in a rather deadpan tone of voice.

This made _all_ of his students sit up at full attention. “What?!”

Harry pointed to the blackboard, where instructions appeared magically. “It's like this, each House is a team. During Finals week, I'll have converted the Quidditch Pitch into a maze – almost exactly like during the Triwizard Tournament in my Fourth Year. The maze will be filled with things – traps, animals, curses and the like – that you've learned about during the last six years. If you remember even half of what you needed to know to pass your OWLs, you should be able to make your way through the maze as a team. Oh! And watch out for the other teams! There's going to be a flag hidden somewhere in the maze, and the team that finds it and brings it back to me will receive 150 House Points.”

His students were silent in awe. They looked around at each other, clearly wondering if he was serious or just having them on. It really did sound fun!

Harry smirked at Albus. “So... Lame?”

“Fu – er, heck no!” Albus blurted out.

Harry narrowed his eyes at Albus for his near slip in language, but then shrugged it off since the boy had clearly censored himself. Smiling again, he looked around. “I suggest that you use the rest of class today to talk to your team and ask each other your strengths and weaknesses. The point is to help each other do your best.”

A timid boy that Harry guiltily had a hard time remembering the name of raised his hand, looking like he sincerely wished he could sink into the ground and avoid being called on. Harry gestured permission for him to speak.

“Er, sir? Are you serious about this being a battle to the death?”

Harry laughed. “Fret not! There will be plenty of security measures in place. And fortunately for you, there will be _no_ dragons.”

“Er...” the students all looked at each other in confusion, except for the Potters.

Amelia laughed. “Our dad had to go up against a Hungarian Horntail in the Triwizard Tournament. He was only allowed his wand, which he used to summon his broom, which he used to fly until he was able to snatch the golden egg from between her legs.”

“I don't remember telling you that,” Harry said with a puzzled frown.

“Draco used to tell us as a bedtime story when it was his turn,” Amelia explained.

Albus stood up with a grin and spread his arms out, flapping them like they were dragon wings. “He made it a rather exciting tale, transfiguring a large book into a dragon to fly around the room chasing us all.”

“And he'd transfigure a lamp into a glowing golden egg,” Amelia added excitedly.

“Then he'd fly around on a broom showing us how daring you were, dodging and waving to avoid great gouts of fire and a vicious spiked tail,” Remus ended.

“Did he now?” Harry asked with a grin. “I would not've expected that.”

“And Mama 'Mione and Ron have told us about it once or twice too,” Albus said. “You must've heard Ron telling us about the time they were all sleeping in the Black Lake and you had to rescue them all and he helped you get Auntie Fleur's sister Gabrielle to safety, earning him a kiss on the cheek.”

Harry laughed at that. “That made Ron's entire year. I'm not surprised that he told you about it.”

“Mama Pansy and Mama Ginny heckle him something fierce whenever they hear him talking about it,” Remus added with a grin.

“Mum and Mama Hannah say that you were outside the time limit for the task and they were afraid you'd drowned, but that since they were supporting the Hufflepuff Prefect that was the _true Hogwarts Champion,_ they couldn't decide whether to be concerned or relieved,” Amelia said with a smirk.

“I'm almost certain Draco said the same thing at some point,” Harry muttered unappreciatively.

“Did dad really make _Potter Stinks!_ badges?” Albus wondered.

“Yes!” Harry blurted out. “And practically the whole school wore them!”

“Daddy Neville says that most of the school actually hated you when you went here,” Remus ventured a bit timidly.

Harry sighed a little wearily and nodded. “Yep, and now I feel like I'm conducting a history class. Didn't I tell you all to talk and strategize?”

“But why did they hate you?” Amelia asked, basically ignoring Harry's not so subtle hint to get to work.

Harry took a moment to figure out what to say, and then shrugged. “Because at times they thought I was dangerous – possibly working with or for Voldemort – and at other times, they thought I was a nutter who believed in Voldemort when no one else wanted to.”

The Hufflepuffs who _weren't_ Potters all gasped when they heard that name. They'd been listening in because – despite _knowing_ that the Potter kids all had different mums – it was still strange to hear them talk about it like it was normal. They also weren't used to hearing Harry talk about the Dark Lord like his kids were. Their parents all refused to say the name, most referring to him as _You-Know-Who_.

“But then you defeated him and became famous,” Albus stated proudly.

“Yeah,” Harry confirmed solemnly. “But I'm serious now. Talk. Strategize. Plot. I expect Hufflepuff to surprise everyone by capturing the flag simply because you all know how to work together to overcome all challenges.”

“But Ravenclaws are smarter than us,” a girl protested.

“And Gryffindors braver!” A boy added.

“That doesn't matter,” Harry assured them. “Cedric Diggory was a Hufflepuff and he would have won the Triwizard Tournament if it hadn't been rigged. If _he_ can be smart and brave, then every single one of you can too. Right Amelia?”

“Of course daddy!”

Harry rolled his eyes. “I think you mean Professor.”

“Whatever you say, daddy!” Amelia agreed with a cheeky grin.

Harry shook his head and gave up. He'd never been able to get his kids to call him Professor in class. And honestly, he was secretly happy they didn't.

 

***

 

At the end of class, Draco – who had a very rare free period in order to work on grading papers – stopped by Harry's class to wait for him to finish up so that they could go to lunch together. Since Harry was basically just walking around and listening to the students plot and scheme, he had nothing important to stop him from noticing his husband standing there just inside the door. With a huge grin, he walked up to the still as gorgeous as ever blond and pushed him up against the wall before stealing a demanding kiss.

Someone in the class gasped in astonishment, prompting the rest of them to fall silent and look around.

“ _Dads_!” Albus groaned in mortification. “Not in front of our classmates!”

Harry pulled back with a soft laugh.

“What was that for?” Draco asked, looking rather flushed and dazed – pleasantly so.

“I just learned that you used to tell the kids about me defeating the dragon as a bedtime story,” Harry informed him with a smoky grin.

“Merlin's syphilitic prick!” Draco cursed in dismay. “I'm quite sure I threatened to hex anyone who told you that!”

Amelia and Remus squeaked in alarm and dove under their desks.

Harry laughed. “Don't be _too_ hard on them. After all, they _did_ manage to keep the secret for a good ten years.”

Draco pointed at them with a light glare. “I expect all three of you to write me an essay on the various difficulties encountered while brewing Veritaserum, and have it on my desk by tomorrow evening at the latest, or it'll be detention.”

“ _Daaaaad_ ” Albus groaned in horror. “You can't give us homework and detention as punishment for non school related offenses!”

“Oh, what's that? You want to write _two_ essays _and_ have detention?” Draco asked, sounding rather Snape like at the moment.

“No! No! No!” All three of the Hufflepuff Potters declined hastily.

Then Amelia dared to push her luck. “But this is clearly a case of a civil suit as opposed to a criminal suit. You're punishing us according to criminal procedures when clearly, the so-called crime was of a civil variety. In a court proceeding, the maximum sentence would be a fine, rather than...” she faltered when Draco continued to give her an impressive and clearly not sympathetic look.

“Essay. My desk. Tomorrow night.”

“Yes Draco (dad),” they capitulated with a sigh.

“You're terrible!” Harry pronounced with a grin.

“Which you _love_ ,” Draco replied with a smirk. Then he tilted his head toward to open classroom door. “Come on, the bell is about to ring. Let's go eat lunch in our quarters.”

“Brilliant!” Harry agreed, kissing Draco again. Hand in hand, they left the students of the class feeling rather grateful that none of their parents were teachers as well.

 

***

 

A week before Finals week, Harry invited all his kids (and various other not actually his kids but still his kids) to his quarters for breakfast. This actually replaced their morning meeting in the prefect bath – which a couple of them actually were prefects now, so they no longer needed to bribe anyone for the password – but Harry didn't know anything about that. All he knew was that he wanted to give them a treat as a reward for all their hard studying. Perhaps it was because they had each other to go to if they needed help, but they all had relatively high grades that pleased their various mums to no end.

Anyway, Harry grinned proudly as he spread his hands wide to indicate all the food on the table. “I know that your mums would probably murder me for this, but I thought you all deserved a reward. So, instead of regular breakfast, this morning, we're having dessert!” Sure enough, the table was piled high with cakes and tarts and pies and puddings. “Just don't even trying touching my treacle tart. It's my favorite and I'll hex anyone that even looks at it twice!”

They all laughed as he picked up the treacle tart and promptly dug in. Happy, they sat down and proceeded to mow their way through all the sweets on the table. When they were done, they all felt high from the sugar and rushed off to race each other around the castle until their first class began.

By lunch time, they were all rather lethargic from the crash after the sugar high had worn off. They sat fairly quietly at the Hufflepuff table eating sausages and bacon sandwiches in an attempt to perk up. The rest of the hall was as noisy as it ever was with hundreds of students chattering on as they ate.

Suddenly, a high pitched shriek made everyone fall silent and look around to see what the problem was. To most people's fear, a dragon was now flying around near the enchanted ceiling, looking rather frantic and panicky. It was a positively gorgeous Antipodean Opaleye, which inspired as much awe as it did fear.

On the ground, unexpected barking tore everyone's attention away from the dragon. They found an enormous shaggy black dog crouched defensively as he barked insistently at a blond kneazle. Above their heads circled a raven, who cawed as if frightened and looking for help.

“ _Oh shit!_ ” Teddy blurted out, holding his hands to and digging his nails into the side of his face as he watched the polar bear and the massive stag run for the exit to the great hall. The doors swung shut abruptly, preventing escape.

“WILL EVERYONE PLEASE NOT PANIC?!” Harry roared at the top of his lungs. “It seems that we have yet another prank to deal with. Anyone wish to volunteer information on what happened?”

Teddy pointed at the Angelfish flopping around on the bench next to him before scooping her up and holding her out toward the staff table. “Sir! Before that, we need to get Daisy into some salt water before she dies!”

“Right!” Harry stated in calm agreement that nevertheless held a tone of urgency to it. He grabbed a large serving bowl, vanished its contents and cast a spell into it. “Aguamenti Salis!”

Teddy ran flat out to get Daisy into the bowl as soon as possible. Harry gave Teddy a deeply speculative look. Teddy did his best not to look Harry in the eye.

“Teddy, do _you_ know what is going on?” Harry asked with a hint of sternness in his voice.

Teddy shifted about uncomfortably, eyeing Daisy in the bowl several times. “She should have turned back right away... She knows better than to shift when not in water... I don't understand...” he muttered very softly.

“So you knew about her? That she's apparently an Animagus?” Harry questioned, still looking rather stern.

“Er... yes...” Teddy admitted.

“Is this a prank gone wrong?” Harry asked.

“N... not that I know of...” Teddy answered honestly.

“And would you know if it was?” Harry pressed.

“I, er, maybe...” Teddy grumbled, shifting side to side again.

“So, what about the rest of these animals?” Draco inquired, gesturing around the great hall where more than a dozen different animals were frantically running amok.

“Er...” Teddy looked at his feet, grinding one shoe into the floor. “Well... erm...”

“Teddy...” Harry prompted in a tone of voice that didn't allow for any argument.

Teddy pointed at the dragon. “That's Albus.” Then he pointed at the dog. “And that's James. The kneazle is Rose... The bear's Pandora... The stag is Hugo... The raven's Pearl... The scorpion is Scorpius... The –”

“Alright, we get it,” Harry interrupted him mostly because this could take some time to get through at the rate Teddy was grumbling. “All my kids are Animagi.”

Teddy nodded in confirmation.

“But you aren't?” Draco asked with a curious frown.

“No,” Teddy replied with a shake of his head. “Never needed to be, so I didn't bother to try.”

“Good point,” Draco admitted.

“Alright, alright! Kids! Over here please,” Harry insisted, clapping his hands to get their attention. Pointing his wand at Albus, he performed the Homorphus Charm that had once upon a time ago forced Peter Pettigrew back into his human form. “Al... care to explain how you and all my other kids are suddenly stuck in animal forms?”

“I don't know!” Albus wailed, clearly near tears. “That's never happened before! And I know that _I_ – at the very least – wasn't even trying to transform when it happened!”

Harry reverted the dog. “James? Can you explain this?”

“No dad,” James murmured with a shake of his head.

“Did any of you try to prank the rest of the school only to have it backfire?” Draco asked pointedly.

“No dad,” James repeated. “I swear by Merlin, Godric, and Dumbledore that we had _nothing_ to do with this!”

Draco smirked. “Ah... so when you are genuinely innocent, you have no problems stating so clearly.”

“What?” James and Albus blurted out in unison as Draco summoned the scorpion that was currently making a bunch of younger girls shriek and back away as he made his way up the Hufflepuff table to the staff table. Harry cast the Homorphus Charm on him.

“I _said_ that you apparently have no problems telling us clearly when you are genuinely innocent,” Draco repeated.

“Er...” The three boys exchanged wary looks, sensing a trap.

“We _always_ tell you that we're innocent,” Scorpius reminded him.

“ _No_ ,” Draco stated as he held up a finger. “ _Some_ of you tell us that you are innocent, and the rest of you say the same thing over and over.” He pointed to Rose, who Harry promptly reverted. “Can you tell me what that is?”

Rose sighed in defeat. “Saying anything at all when you are determined to believe we are guilty only gives you grounds to call us liars.”

“And saying that _also_ prevents you from lying to us,” Draco pointed out. “Meaning that you can honestly swear that you haven't ever lied to us and it's the truth.”

“Only we're fairly certain that all of you _have_ been behind these pranks,” Harry added, giving her the stern look he'd been wearing since the beginning of this fiasco.

Rose glanced at her brothers, who subtly shook their heads. Taking their advice, she pressed her lips together and said nothing. Harry and Draco stared them all down.

“ _Boys_... Keep in mind that we won't help anyone else return to normal until you tell the truth,” Harry informed them.

“But we didn't do this!” They all protested in unison.

“Perhaps not this, but what about the other pranks?” Draco asked.

“Well... not... not _all_ of them...” Albus admitted in a soft and hesitant voice.

“Just... just the ones you could never find a culprit for,” James added, in essence confirming the confession.

“We thought so!” Harry exclaimed in triumph. “The Headmistress has worked out a special punishment for all of you. But before that, come here!” Harry summoned the White Bengal Tiger to reveal Hunter, and then the pair of snakes that were trying to slither to him without panicking the students too much. One was Sunshine – who wasn't affected by the spell – and the other was Lily. One by one, all the Potter and extra kids were returned to normal.

Harry stared them all down firmly. “And what have we learned today?”

“To never play another prank again,” Hugo grumbled petulantly.

“Good,” Harry stated with a satisfied nod. “Also, try to keep this in mind the next time I suddenly decide to feed you all cake for breakfast.”

His kids all gaped at him incredulously. Draco snickered in delight. Teddy scratched his head in confusion.

“What made you think that they were Animagi?” He asked, honestly not able to remember a time when any of them had been careless enough to be caught.

“Simple,” Harry stated with a smirk. “You're all _my_ kids, which means that you're all descended from my dad – who was a stag and you look just like him, well done Hugo. I just figured that if my dad and his friends could do it, then my brilliant kids would have no trouble figuring it out too.”

He grinned at Daisy, Hunter, and Hermione and Pansy's girls. “And that goes for you too.” The four gave him tentative smiles in return. They knew they were all in trouble, so it felt a bit odd to be accepting compliments from their half father-like person for the behavior that had gotten them in trouble.

 

“Alright, so, I want all of you in my office,” McGonagall commanded imperiously.

“Yes Professor,” they muttered obediently, not looking forward to their punishment at all.

 

**Author's Note:**

> So... what do you think?


End file.
